SweetiieChiinesePiie

First Blog in a while!

2011-02-06T07:12:00.000-08:00

Well, it really has been a while since my last blog and a lot of things have happened. I'm still with Tony :) its been a year and half now. And things are going really good!! Me and my mum are getting on very well now so that makes me so happy but I haven't spoken to my dad since December 2010 because of so many reasons. But I will go through in more detail when I get my laptop. That's one of the reasons why I'm not speaking to him. My laptop broken about 8 months ago and my dad had it since then saying that he would fix it and guess what? He didn't even look at it! So I bring it home and ask any of my friends if they know any one and straight away they know someone that can have a look at it!! My friends do more for me than my dad does!! Anyway's things are good for me apart from that little irritating thing. I still look into the past sometimes but to be honest when I look at it I feel happy that I've moved on :)

Anyway's I got to go do things but when I get my new laptop I will be blogging alot more :)

Lovee HAPPY HAPPY Lauraa

xxxxxxxxx

Hello bloggers :)

2009-12-22T08:12:00.000-08:00

Hi its Laura here... Well duhhhh. Its not going to be anybody else now is it?! :) Well it has been at least 3 months since my last post!! And OMG!! So much has happened since then!! And I have definitely got so much more happier!! Ok well I will start at the beginning.

Firstly I started got my results from my GCSE's back and passed everything!! Got 7 C's and 2 B's so was really pleased with that because after all the stress and drama that had happened, me and most of my family didn't think that I would be able to pull it off and pass everything but I did :)

Secondly I ended up going to college at West London Academy so then I can play table tennis and do my studies at the same time. Im taking A-Level Product Design and BTEC Sport. I'll stay for three years to do the BTEC so I end up with the diploma and the UCAS points are equivalent to 3 A-Level scores.

Things with my mum and step dad have improved so much and its just made me so happy because now I don't need to hide anything from my mum as she has now accepted that I'm growing up and I'm not a little kid anymore.

I think my biggest piece of news and what's made me the happiest is that Tony finally asked me out on the 21st of september in Tescos after college and its now been 3 months since then and he's really has just made me so happy and I can just be myself and I know that I can trust him and fall back on him when I need him. And one other thing is that my mum actually lets me stay at his house as well!! I never thought that would be happening until I was at least 20!! Wow the changes that happen over 3 months!!

I will try to write another blog post to update as soon as possible!! Have fun boys and girls!!

Lovee Veryy Happyy Lauraa!!

xoxo

What Am I Supposed To Do?

2009-09-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

I'm so lost. I don't know how to help. My mum and stepdad have been shouting for the past 4 hours and I'm scared. I'm scared that he will up and leave all of us. I'm scared that my mum will do something crazy. It will destroy her. I've seen her go through it once and that was hard enough. I don't know if she will be able to cope a second time around. I love her so much even though we disagree a lot and in the end of the day she's my mum and always will be. I don't want to see her go through in again. I can't handle seeing her go through it again. She's been hurt too badly in the past to go through this type of pain. I'm just here listening to them arguing and I can here every word and I cant do anything but sit in the corner of my room and cry. It's taken her 6 years to love and trust another man and then he hurts her like this? It's my fault in the end. I was the one who took all of her attention for my stupid and useless ambition of table tennis and then he felt neglected therefore going out to find other means of attention from another woman. It was me who drove him away. And then the situation that happened in Feb/Apr didn't help matters at all. And I was to blame for the incident. It's my fault. I'm the one to blame. I cause trouble and terror to everyone around me. It would be better if I wasn't even here because then I wouldn't be able to cause all the pain that I am now to everyone around me and all the people that care about me. I don't know what to do. I know I can't turn back the past but I really don't know. "I" used to be here all the time when I needed him. He would wipe away my tears and reassure me that everything will be OK. Since he left I've been nothing but a mess and I can't find anyone like him. I've just fallen apart and I'm falling apart even more now.

Lovee "Unknown" Lauraa

xoxo

More happy me =]

2009-08-23T16:27:00.000-07:00

Hey guys its me =]

And for some weird reason im actually quite happy and I know I havent written in a while. I got into a really depressed time and then forgot about my writing but remembered today and decided to write.

In general not much has actually happened recently, it basically just been training (table tennis if you didnt know), more training, meeting up with friends and really late nights. It actually really bad because I'm actually going to sleep at a time of 5am-7am in the morning and then not getting up until 12pm-3pm and thats like half day gone... VALUABLE SHOPPING TIME WASTED!! :) But yeah. I managed to get my debit card finally sorted out but its so fustrating because ive basically almost used up the money!! There wasnt really much to start with like £40 but still!! Like £10 left and im meant to be saving up!! Arrrrgh!!

And as boy troubles im not even going to comment because I can say as much as I like that Iwont let it get to me but in the end it will so will just have to wait and see what troubles I have to come =]

Oh oh oh and!! OMGEEEEEEEEEE GCSE RESULTS ON THE 27TH!!!! Not a cool time =S so nervous but just praying that I do well enough and then 6th form! Woop =] Lol. Good luck everyone collecting results!!

Lovee Happyy Lauraa =]

xoxo

My wishes

2009-08-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

Ok so i've been told that most of my posts are emotional and I'm sorry. Its just that when I'm sad or angry I have to find a way to release it and this is the best way rather than doing something stupid because I don't want to go down that road again. I will try to writing more happy posts in the future but I'm not sure of when that can happen. But yes this post is emotional again but its not a paragraph. Its a list. A list of everything that I would wish for if I could.

1. I wish that I could be happy

2. I wish I could turn back time and prevent all this hurt from ever happening

3. I wish that he could love me once again

4. I wish that I could deal with all this better

5. I wish that I was pretty and slim like all the other girls

6. I wish that I was more clever and think things through

7. I wish that I had and have more confidence

8. I wish I could do better in life

9. I wish that I could find that one person to hold me when I'm sad, when I cry and someone to reassure me everything will be ok in the end and hold my hand when I'm scared.

10. I wish to be able to read peoples minds so I know what they think of me deep down and how they feel

11. I wish I was not as naive as I am

12. I wish for everything to be different

But none of these wishes will ever come true. And I know, I know just forget. But its easier said than done. It it were that easy then there would be alot of things that I would forget. A quote that made sense to me the other night made me think but also gave me a little hope. It said "Life is about change. Sometimes its painful. Sometimes its beautiful. But most of the time its both..." It just made me think ahead of things but everytime I try to think forwards "I" and "N" always somehow get in the way and after climbing to the top and almost reaching the exit, they knock me down again so I have to start climbing again. I just want to be normal and happy again.

Lovee Emotionall Lauraa

xoxo

Why?... "N"

2009-07-31T16:48:00.000-07:00

How is it that most boys are completely oblivious to how a girl feels? Im lying here in my bed on webcam to him and I have tears streaming down my face. After a good 30 mins on web cam he decides to ask "What's wrong?" Well thank you very fucking much for asking. Could you not see me wiping away the tears and the little balls of water running down my face? Is it just me or when it comes to a girl saying "Its nothing" it obviously means that there is something fucking wrong?!?!? He is meant to be my best friend. Best friends don't give up on you when you say nothings wrong. To be honest I don't think we are best friends anymore. All we can be is just another person we know. Not even close friends. Just people. Best friends don't use each other just to get to know their friends. I don't know but it seems like it to me. Jump at any chance to meet my friends and be with them. If it was just me he wouldn't even consider it and try to get out of it. Thats how I feel. Used. I feel used. I never thought I would with him but I do. What is it about him that makes me feel this way? He doesn't care, he doesn't like me in the way I like him and there's nothing special about him. But why do I feel like this? When that girl "G" got in the way, I was so jealous. The fact that she would just openly tell strangers things and I would be the last to know. And the way with my friends that he would have a casual convosation on facebook, MSN, phone and text but yet he is ashamed that he knows me and talks to me. How can he expect me to be fine? And after everything thats happened, to just brush me aside and make me feel that way and to toy with my feelings. How can that be right? And Im even worse I keep going back to him. I get so frustrated and easily pissed off with him and upset with him that I say I wont talk to him but yet two hours later we talk like nothings happened. And the other thing is he has me crying every night and he doesn't even care. Whether he knows or not, I don't. But there have defiantly been times where he's known and hasn't cared at all. Arrrrgh all these tears have made me sleepy. Time for bed. Sweet dreams everyone.

Lovee Sadd Lauraa

xoxo

PARENTS ARRRRRRRRRRRGH

2009-07-25T18:47:00.000-07:00

How the hell is it that parents really know how to piss you off?? Mine does it constantly!! My mum always decides to go shopping for me and my sister, buying her the normal and nice clothes and then what do I get? The old granny bag shitty tops or the look at me I'm five years old tops. Honestly!! And then I ask for the receipt to go and exchange it for another top what does she say? No I'll have it if you don't like it. Well of course I don't like it or else I wouldn't be asking for the damn receipt to switch the stupid thing would I clever clogs!! And shoes, shoes, shoes are the worst!!! It doesn't fit because its a size too big and what does she say? Oh why don't you just wear a thicker pair of socks... yeah I would do IF I WANTED TO JOIN THE CIRCUS AS A CLOWN!! Arrrrrgh and when you do something it ain't enough. It just like "oh no, you've missed a spot. Now your gonna have to do everything all over again." I fuck well am not! I must have the words "look-I'm-a-fucking-mug-that-will-do-anything-at-your-service" tattooed across my forehead!! Core blimey mate!! =] I don't know why but I'm not in my usual typing mood tonight. But I will see how I feel tomorrow night =]

Oh and I would like to say thank you to everyone who has read my blog and for all the positive feedback =] it has really made my day. If its not too much trouble I'm asking if everyone who reads this could set up an account and follow my page and leave comments. It only take about five minutes or less =]

Lovee Lauraa

xoxo

Not a good time

2009-07-19T15:39:00.000-07:00

I would of thought that i would be completely over him having been out with two other guys and now 9 months behind me. But why? Why does he still come creeping into my thoughts? Yes I loved him more than anyone and anything in the world and would of given anything for him and yes i accepted his decision after about a month or two and seeing how badly it ended. But reading the emails, texts and letters that he sent me brings it all back. Reading those words "I love you" always makes me break down in tears. Always. But why? I'm always doing this. wanting something I cant have. Never will have again. If I didn't open my fucking fat mouth there might of been a chance of us getting back together but now? No chance in the world! I always screw things right up. Friends, family, relationships and just fucking life in the end. Even if i go out with my mates I don't get noticed cos I'm the Chinese one and Chinese girls don't get noticed. Yeah whole load of fat good being half English done for me. I really should start to mention names or something so that i make abit more sense but because just in case the people that I'm writing about are reading this I will call them by only a letter. The boy that I've mentioned in this blog post is called "I". The boy in the last blog post is called "N" and the girl is called "G". And no even if you ask me on facebook or on MSN or text, call, whatever, I still wont tell you.

Lovee Sadd Lauraa
xoxo

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL

2009-07-13T16:27:00.000-07:00

HE IS "APPARENTLY" MY BEST FRIEND AND CLOSEST PERSON TO ME. HE KNOWS ME BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE SO WHY TRY TO MAKE ME JEALOUS BY DANGALING THAT SLUT INFRONT OF ME?!?! AND WHAT I DONT GET THE MOST IS THAT HE ALMOST COMPLETELY FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY, NOT EVEN BOTHERING TO SEND ME A CARD BUT YET HE IS SENDING THAT SLUT ONE AND HES ONLY KNOWN HER NOT THAT LONG?!?!? AND BEHIND HIS BACK SHES SAYING HOW "HES A STALKER" "HE WONT LEAVE ME ALONE" "HES ANNOYING"!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? BUT YET SHE FLIRTS LIKE FUCKING MAD WITH HIM?!?!? SHE WAS MEANT TO BE ONE OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS BUT NOW I HAVE TO THINK AGAIN. SHES JUST A SELFISH BITCH WHO ONLY THINKS OF HERSELF. EVERYTIME ANY BOY EVEN LOOKS AT HER SHE THINKS THEY FUCK WELL FANCY HER!! HELLO NOT EVERY BOY LIKE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE... MAYBE THEY JUST GIVE YOU ATTENTION TO GET INTO YOUR DAMN KNICKERS YOU RETARD. AND HIM. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START. HE KNOWS WHERE SHE LIVES, WHENS HER BIRTHDAY BUT YET WHEN I JUST SUGGEST THEY MEET UP ITS STRAIGHT AWAY A NO. WHY DONT THEY JUST JUMP ON EACH OTHER? THEY BOTH WANT TO SO STOP FUCKING ABOUT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE ELSE. GOOD GOD. GLAD IVE GOT THAT OUT OF MY SYSTEM
LOVEE ANGRYY LAURAA
XOXO

Blahh...

2009-07-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

Ok so its what? 3:54 IN THE MORNING. And yes its another sleepless night. And no I have no school because ive finished already. Had some great news today. Got a definate place in West London Academy for 6th form!! Yay!! Well happy! But on the other hand... Other things not so happy. Yes flipping boy troubles again. The only problem is that I cant write on here because they are proberly reading and yes it has more than one boy involved. I know I know, im always getting myself into these kind of places. Wrong place, at the wrong time. Yeah thats me. Always late for everything aswell! Even for my own birth! I was meant to be born on the 1st of April but I was 16 days late... Being 14 days late for my granma to be introduced to me. She died two days before I was born. We just say that she was playing hide and seek with me. Her being the seeker and me being the hider. And that she gave up in the end. But thats how life goes. I never met her but I do love her and from everything that my mum has told me she looked after my mum when needed.
Anyways... I can't believe I cant sleep yet again!! And the problem is that I set my alarm for 7, 8 and 9 but just turn it off and then wake up at a ridiculous time like flipping mid-day!! Its actually really irritating me now. And the thing is Im watching films aswell. Theres actually a good film called "Picture This" with Ashley Tisdale and its about this girl trying to fit in to make her true love realise her but his ex girlfriend wont let go of him and tries to ruin her plans. Heres the link to part one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67kRUetsJrI&feature=related Enjoy!!
Anyways im off to finish my film then go to sleep =]
Sweet dreams guys!!
Lovee Lauraa
xoxo

Hii =] My litle intro to yours truely... ME!!!

2009-07-07T18:13:00.000-07:00

Hi just a brief intro to who I am! Right we will start with my name, names are always a good place to start =] My name is Laura Lin Higham or my Chinese name being lin yong qi =] anyways my mum called me Laura after that song called "Tell Laura I love her" I have no idea why so asking me is not going to help. Lol. At the moment I am 16 Years young, I don't like saying old, I mean we are young and live while you can!! I was born in the early hours of the 16th of April 1993. My mother is one of those "mess with me and see what happens" Chinese ladies whereas my father is one of those "drink till you drop" English men. Yes two very different people and yes it didn't work out. My parents divorced when I was 6 and I've lived with my mother ever since. For the full story you will have to wait till I get into one of my ranting and raving moods where I'm just angry and it will all spill out. Well everything about me will start to pour out and soon you might even be able to re-create my life on the Sims game or something =D but hey, its just an idea. Well I have one younger sister aged 14 at the moment and boy, do I want to be the first person to beat the crap out of her. Ive been brought up in London, Wandsworth all my life and to be honest the friends are brilliant but the area is shitty. Yes shitty, very shitty... apart from some places. Well that's a bit much on an intro and watch this space for more!!!
Lovee Lauraa
xoxo